Sean Parker
If you’re suffering the doldrums of a Chiefs v Eagles Super Bowl because your team isn’t in it or think, “This Superbowl can LIX my….” for any reason, don’t worry, I have come up with a list of suitable replacements for you to seek out to get your fill of football the way you like it. From fascists to slashers, and gun-toting defensive backs, you’ll have a few to choose from. And, should any of them be on YouTube or Tubi, you may get some Super Bowl commercials as a bonus!
Wolfpack (1987)
With a title like Wolfpack, you’re probably wondering if this is the Teen Wolf high-school werewolf football team movie you’ve long searched for. Alas, you would be glitteringly wrong, and at the same time, I have no idea why that movie hasn’t been greenlit. However, in the wake of all the breaking news in America, Wolfpack seems like a genre film worth mentioning on this list as Bill Milling’s film about a high school football team asserting its popularity to seize control of the school in a totalitarian context.
Hitting the nail a little too precisely, Milling introduces Sam Adams (Jim Able) as a new student who, at first, wants nothing to do with the local politics but finds himself roped into them when students who dissent against Quarterback Jack “Boot” Butkowski (Tony Carlin), begin to get hurt. Even the staff at the school finds difficulty raising their voice as Butkowski asserts a nationalist agenda that honors the football team and his school (an allegory for military and country) but takes it too far by oppressing students, rigging elections, and putting the more troublesome individuals in the hospital.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions, and Wolfpack is a compelling look at how a utopian concept can become forcefully executed. The 1987 film follows in the footsteps of the 1981 TV movie The Wave and uses much of the same rhetoric and philosophy to show how quickly popularism can pave the way for fascism. Wolfpack is probably the lesser version of the two films, but seeing this process occur in a secular football clique is pretty dead on.
Wolfpack (1987) Modern Trailer | Vinegar Syndrome | VSA | High School Football Sports Movie Thriller
A fan trailer I made for Vinegar Syndrome’s VSA #21. It’s a bit of an outlier in the VS catalog, and possibly their only full-on sports movie? (Though I suppose Blades and Blood Games are too, in a way.) I enjoyed it, and looking at it again it’s got some pretty solid cinematography and performances.
The Once and Future Smash / End Zone 2 (2022)
The Once and Future Smash and End Zone 2 are a tag-team experience. The first is a real documentary about a faux movie, and the second is an oxymoronic real faux movie. If you’re confused, that’s great! I was, too, when I caught these at a festival a few years back.
These films are a package deal and are best seen with the documentary first; however, for context, I need to refer to End Zone 2, and therein lies some confusion. End Zone 2 is a sequel to End Zone, an IMDB setup page with little to no information on it other than it was released in 1965 and concerns a bullied high school football player who ultimately becomes Smash-Mouth, a student body feasting cannibal, after having his jaw broken. This film does not exist. But its sequel, End Zone 2, is a cabin in the woods movie where Smash-mouth returns to get revenge on the cheerleaders who murdered his mother. It’s pretty ridiculous, but that’s the point.
In The Once and Future Smash, Mikey Smash (Michael St. Michaels) and William Mouth (Bill Weeden) argue over whose performance as slasher football player Smash-Mouth is the most preferable in the cult horror hit End Zone 2. The movie is filled with horror legends who speak to End Zone 2‘s cult status and how it’s influenced their filmmaking. Appearances include A Nightmare on Elm Street 2 star Mark Patton, A Nightmare on Elm Street 3‘s Jennifer Rubin, Jason Goes to Hell writer Adam Marcus, Troma’s Uncle Lloyd Kaufman, Richard Elfman (Danny Elfman’s brother), Friday the 13th Part VIII‘s V.C. Dupree, and Friday the 13th: A New Beginning‘s Melanie Kinnaman.
If you notice a theme with those names, you’ve caught on to the point of The Once and Future Smash. It’s a celebration of cult films, horror sequels, and the glorious people who make them despite being trounced by critics and audiences. It’s a lot of fun for horror fans, who should then watch End Zone 2, which was also filmed in 2022 but resembles a deadpan 1970s horror film.
END ZONE 2 Official Restoration Trailer (2022) Arrow Video FrightFest
END ZONE 2 – World Premiere https://www.frightfest.co.uk/2022Aug/end-zone.html 101 FILMS DISCOVERY SCREEN THREE 29 AUGUST 4.00 PM Directed by Sophia Cacciola, Michael J. Epstein. Main Cast: Michael St. Michael, Bill Weedon, Laurene Landon, Lloyd Kaufman. Country: USA End Zone 2 was shot in 1969 on a modified Arri 16ST.
The Last Match (1991)
When the daughter of a football coach is imprisoned on a Caribbean island, the entire team takes up arms to get her back. This action film from the early 90s comes from Fabrizio De Angelis under the name Larry Ludman, who also gave us genre films Killer Crocodile, Thunder, and Deadly Impact. The Last Match tries to connect the dots of a well-organized team infiltrating territory as if militarized, but it comes up very short in that area. Instead, it’s like seeing Ludacris go from hosting street races in the Fast and Furious franchise to becoming a world-renowned hacker. It may not make much sense, but whatever’s happening is also kind of amazing if you go with it.
The film also features Ernest Borgnine, Charles Napier, and Martin Balsam in supporting roles, making it feel like The Last Match would have been the perfect “bringing American justice to the enemy” vehicle for Chuck Norris (Invasion USA), who did many of those types of films. Stuntman Gary Kent, who wrote the screenplay, originally developed the story about soccer players until his script was sold to an Italian company without his permission. Still, if you’re looking for explosions, guns, and ridiculousness, look no further: The Last Match is a touchdown.
The Last Match (1991) Original Trailer [FHD]
Directed by Fabrizio De Angelis. With Oliver Tobias, Ernest Borgnine and Charles Napier.
The Third Saturday in October (Parts I & V)
Like the combo of The Once and Future Smash and End Zone 2, this is another Football double feature. And I’ve been told it works much better out of order. The Third Saturday in October films do a similar reimaging of genre films from two eras, just like End Zone 2. Part V takes place in the 90s, while Part I is another deadpan 70s film. But, if you like slasher stalker horror pictures, these movies check all the boxes and are, ultimately, a fun double feature.
In The Third Saturday in October (Part I), a botched execution causes a psycho to rampage through a college football town on the day of their rivalry game. While most of the town is at the game, the people who stay home become the targets of sadistic mutilations doled out by an unrepentant killer. There goes your football party! In Part V, the killer returns (Parts II through IV do not exist. Well, yet anyway). And it is a bonkers riff on the resurrection of the slasher genre and a love letter to the multitude of masked killers that didn’t get some of the recognition they deserved. Part V was one of my favorite films of 2022, working as a stand-alone horror film and as a satirical comedy of films from the time.
The Third Saturday in October Part V – Official Movie Trailer (2023)
SUBSCRIBE: http://bit.ly/DARKSKY_YT Directed by Jay Burleson Unstoppable killer Jack Harding is back in town after seven years, as he stalks and kills at random before chancing upon a football watch party.
